About Me

My name is Tracy and I am married to an amazing man, his name is Thomas! We are a busy family that is always on the go between church, school, work and sports.... we are not a sitting around kind of family. We have 4 amazing children and are working on bringing home Elias to make 5. My hubby is Deaf and I am a sign language interpreter,we are very involved in the Deaf community and are excited to be adding another Deaf member to our family. Our kids, Aaron-19, Luke-11, Tommy-10 and Paige-5 are anxious for their new brother to be home. This is our second adoption and we are learning more everyday to lean on God, this journey is already strengthening our faith! We are working on learning how to turn everything over to God and know that He has a perfect plan and all will happen in His time! Good things come to those who wait.

Friday, August 26, 2011

It has been a HARD HARD few weeks!

Hmm Where to begin to describe the last few weeks of our lives??? Well I guess I will start with the fact that life has been good and life has been very very bad lately. (no I am not referring to Luke or his behavior).

A few weeks back while both my sisters where in visiting we had some great family times and I was still working.  My one sister was up from Florida and my other was in from Texas. I was so excited to spend some much needed family time together.  My job that I was working prevented me from spending much time with Kim and Jenn while they were here from Florida and I am so crushed over that..... Kim and Jenn went back home and I only saw them 2 times :(  Heather and her family still had more time here from Texas so we planned to be together the whole last few days she was here until she left.  We went on Friday to the beach and had a great day with the kids and family it was a glorious day on the beach (not mentioning the millions of jellyfish but we still loved the day).  Went to my parents after, swam in the pool, ate great pizza then we headed home.  The drive home started as same as always but ended with me in the ER with an anaphylactic shock reaction. I had 4 such reactions that night from what? We dont know... It was truly a scary night for me and the first time in my life that I thought I was going to die. ( in the bathroom at wawa to be exact). I scared the heck out of my children and my poor husband and my family and to be honest scare myself beyond what I would like to admit.....I stayed in the hospital in a step down unit until Sunday afternoon. I have thought alot about my life since that weekend and what my priorities are. The following week I was so not feeling well and exhausted and out of breath with every step I take.  That was just a short time ago. 2 weekends ago to be exact..

This last Saturday my world was rocked again as I got news that my Cousins son was killed in a car accident along with 3 other teenagers and 4 more were injured in the hospital.  News like this sure has a way of shaking you to the core and again making you re-think what is important in your life and what things you need to still do and what you need to stop doing...My poor family as of today still hasnt been able to bury poor Casey to lay him to rest as hurricane Irene has seen to it that we cannot have his funeral tomorrow. My heart is broken for my family and for the family of the 3 other young boys who lost their lives in this tragic tragic accident.

This is a beautiful picture of sweet Casey with his amazing Aunt (my awesome Cousin) Alli!
Sweet Casey you will always be remembered and as I said before you have a whole HOST of Brenners with you in Heaven (please try and keep them in line.. I am sure Nickey boy is helping you!) The Brenner family is a strong family and I pray that all will continue to stay strong and hold onto the fact that you will see Casey again.

Monday with the help of my mother in law and sister in law we decided that since it was gorgeous and we needed some fresh air to clear our minds we would go to the Cape May zoo. It was a gorgeous day and we truly had a wonderful time......

  The kids at the Cape May zoo, it was a beautiful trip and we saw some amazing animals!

As we were walking back to our car I got a message that stated that the Pastor of our church's son was in a motorcycle accident and needed prayer as it was serious. (apparently the message was a few hours old as I didnt have service).  I immediately got another message saying that he didnt make it. I couldnt believe this to be true. We just saw him the day before and were joking around with him and his father and mother.  Ben is one of the sweetest and funnies young men I know.  It is true and our world has truly been rocked to the core. My whole family saw Ben often and we all love him so much. To my 5 year old Paige he was Mr. Ben, whom she was going to marry and he promised to wait for her.. to my Tommy he was truly Tommys hero. Tommy looked up to Ben so much and loved spending time playing around with him and talking football or just being goofy.  To my husband and myself and our son Aaron we have truly lost a good friend who was a JOY to be around.. Our hearts are broken.......

Mr. Ben the day we took this picture Paige buried her head in your side and just sighed and said "Oh Mr. Ben I could just stay here forever!"  Mr. Ben we know you are still going to hold true and wait for our Paige and we know we will see you again in Heaven...

Our hearts have been so heavy this week and my mind has been reeling since last Saturday. I have decided there are definite things I need to change about myself and my life and that they need to be done pronto. I have decided that I HATE that my own immediate family is spread all over the US and that I dont get to see my sisters or my brother enough. I hate that I live an hour from my parents ( an hour doesnt seem far until you have work and life get in the way). I have decided that the hour must get shorter and my parents must be seen more often. I ALWAYS hate when I cant see them.....

Through all of this I am so glad that I have my faith and I am hanging on to my sweet Jesus with all I have. I have never hit my knees so much as I have this week and it is sad that it took all of this for me to hit my knees and praise my Lord as much as I should.  God give us strength and help us to go on and help us to do what needs to be done. Pray for my Brenner Family and for my church family Victory Assembly of God.. I love all of you!

Now I head off to continue to batten down the hatches as this Hurricane is ready to barrel down on us. We have stocked up on food, flashlights, water, tied down everything we can. Have the backup generator ready.. We have done the best we can.. we have games, new coloring books, cards and fun crafts to make... and now we just sit and prepare to battle out this storm...

This is my song of the last week:
Casting Crowns:  I will Praise you in this storm!

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away


I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Friday, August 19, 2011

Creation trip Part 2

                           Luke's first time roasting marshmallows!! Making smores!
                                                 Ohh these ARE GOOD!
                                            Long Creation days make for tired Creation Boys!
              Getting ready for mommy to interpret Family Force Five!
                     Getting ready for Red, Newsboys, all sorts of concerts to come!! I am ready!
                                                        Rocking out to Newsboys!
                                                      You guess if he had fun? heheh
                                               Luke and Tommy rocking it out!
                                                        Watching Louie Giglio speak
                                 Getting ready for another round of night time concerts!
               Mom and Dad having fun hanging out in the Deaf ministry section!
                                 Doing the Dew with KJ_52 (wayyy too much fun! :)
                              Tommy and our favorite terp rapping it up old school!
             Paige preparing for her sign language interpreting debut!
Luke might just turn out to be a future CDI (certified Deaf Interpreter) he surely had fun!

Part 1 of our Creation Northeast trip

                          As Luke is signing "WOW" doesnt even begin to describe this trip!
                                        Packed and on our way to get the RV
 In our RV and driving to AGAPE farms for the beginning of 8 glorious days!
                                                               Getting close!
                             Are you all ok if I drive?? Who cares if my feet dont touch!
                                                Set up and crashed for our first night
                            One of Luke's favorite things is golfcart rides with Mr. Ryan
                                                           PFFFTTT mom!
                                           Tommy.... my never upright child hahah
                             Andrew, Tommy and Josh making our first Creation pyramid!
                                                   Hmm can you say cheating???
                           Creation before the 130,000 people show up.. It is surreal
 Creation fest becoming Creation fest.. Never experienced this before. Very cool
                                                    The main stage going up
                                                         One of the empty vendor areas
 The View from the "Lookout" when most people are not here yet.. just a few staff so far!
                        My hubby in the gorgeous view.. he looks pretty darn good too!
                            Our gang! Our friends were with us and we LOVED being with them!
 Luke, Tommy and Paige at the Lookout! My gorgeous children in God's glorious setting
                              Almost my whole gang.. Minus Aaron he hadnt arrived yet
                                 Tommy and Andrew.. Definitely 2 peas from the same pod!
 See ya guys.. I gotta ride back down while you hike your butt off hahah
                                                               Momma and Luke! :)
                                                                 Paige and her Pal, Joshua
                                        Luke looking all cool and getting ready for some concerts!
                                                              Luke and Paige
                                                                My girl.. I love that face!!!
    Luke and Emily at their first Creation... and their first year in America with their families!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The journey of the last 6 Months

The last 6 months of our lives have flown by!! The first 4 months of Lukes new life here were miraculous and pretty much picture perfect. The 5 month was pretty darn rough to be honest and certainly had it's share of ups and downs. We are now home 6 months and this last month has been an improvement but has had its share of stressing moments for sure.  When I think of the crazy changes Luke has made in 6 months I am really sorta thinking how has it not been more insane and had even more bad moments? The interesting thing about Luke is that at times when I think it is going to be really hard for him and he wont handle things well.... HA he always proves me wrong and handles those situations like a champ!!!!! It is the times when I think things are all good or things seem like "what could possibly go wrong?" that Luke tends to meltdown.  When I think of all the changes in this little boys life it is mind blowing for me to wrap my own adult brain around.

Left China and all he knew.... (even though it was a bad situation he was in and he had no language, no education and faced all sorts of abuse and neglect....it was still all he knew for 10 and a half years of his life) Suddenly has parents, 2 brothers, a sister, ,  A Nan and pop an hour away, Mom-mom 2 miles away, grandparents in Texas, Aunt that lives 2 miles away, Aunts in Florida and Texas and an Uncle that lives a few hours away. All sorts of cousins. He is now a member of a strong church family with a growing Deaf ministry that loves us and Luke very much. Luke has a home, a dog, a room that he shares with a brother. Toys, belongings (these actually bring on a pretty good amount of stress as he doesnt play with his things just hordes them all).  Has been in school and now out of school. Has no current placement for school and knows we are fighting tooth and nail to get him in the right placement and has also seen a few placements that scared him and he doesnt want to go to.. thus bringing on more stress. He went to a HUGE Christian music festival for 8 days with us in an RV, went to a camp for Deaf children with his brother and sister for 5 weeks (that was truly a highlight.. but it is now over). Mom was also back in the hospital last Friday with a severe anaphylactic shock reaction that kept me in the hospital for 3 days and definitely not myself yet.

WHEW makes me exhausted just to post all that and trust me it isnt all that has happened in the last 6 months home!  SO gee why would a small boy possibly have reason to have some melt downs once in a while??

I have had my adoption agency hook me up with an adoption support group and am going to start meetings there this month. I do believe that will be good for me to do. Luke has been doing very good lately and things have mellowed but one must keep on their toes in this house ha!

 We have been fighting since the day Luke came home and we finally got the answer today we have been fighting for. Luke is going to attend the Delaware school for the Deaf and will be transported daily there and be home everyday like he should be! We are so happy and know that this is going to really make a difference in Luke's future! He cried when I told him the news and he is so relieved as he knows we have been fighting like crazy on this. I am so happy Luke is going to be educated in a place where my husband and I felt that he will be given the best options and the best possible education and chance for the most successful future!

Well I have posted alot today and know most people hate reading books so I will try and post another update soon. Sorry it has been so long, life got nuts and my health took a dive!

Luke boating with his daddy! We have done a ton and promise to get some more photos and updates moving! Life is good and Luke is great! God has been so good to us. We cannot imagine our lives without our precious Luke! Thank you Lord for such a blessing!

Our little boy!

Our little boy!
Opening up my care package from my family!

Curious what he is thinking!

Curious what he is thinking!
Checking out my Family for the 1st time ever! (this pic is of my new Brothers and Sister!)

His first reaction after seeing us

His first reaction after seeing us
This is my Forever Family!

Some goodies from the care package

Some goodies from the care package
Some of my new books

This picture makes me cry every time I see it!

This picture makes me cry every time I see it!
My 1st picture of my mommy and daddy! They say I love to look at my pictures again and again!

Studying our faces....

Studying our faces....
Checking out my new family again!

Look at that face!

Look at that face!
Checking out my new books

Aaron's Graduation

Aaron's Graduation
We are so Proud!

Xin Hai's name in Chinese!


Fu XinHai

Xin Hai

Xin Hai
Isnt he the cutest ever?

Aaron's Senior Prom

Aaron's Senior Prom
My handsome Son, Aaron

Aarons prom

Aarons prom
Paige, Aaron and Tommy

My Family

My Family
The Worrell Family

Our Precious one

Our Precious one
Xin Hai in 2008 - so precious! Love that smile!

adoption countdown

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers