About Me

My name is Tracy and I am married to an amazing man, his name is Thomas! We are a busy family that is always on the go between church, school, work and sports.... we are not a sitting around kind of family. We have 4 amazing children and are working on bringing home Elias to make 5. My hubby is Deaf and I am a sign language interpreter,we are very involved in the Deaf community and are excited to be adding another Deaf member to our family. Our kids, Aaron-19, Luke-11, Tommy-10 and Paige-5 are anxious for their new brother to be home. This is our second adoption and we are learning more everyday to lean on God, this journey is already strengthening our faith! We are working on learning how to turn everything over to God and know that He has a perfect plan and all will happen in His time! Good things come to those who wait.

Friday, August 26, 2011

It has been a HARD HARD few weeks!

Hmm Where to begin to describe the last few weeks of our lives??? Well I guess I will start with the fact that life has been good and life has been very very bad lately. (no I am not referring to Luke or his behavior).

A few weeks back while both my sisters where in visiting we had some great family times and I was still working.  My one sister was up from Florida and my other was in from Texas. I was so excited to spend some much needed family time together.  My job that I was working prevented me from spending much time with Kim and Jenn while they were here from Florida and I am so crushed over that..... Kim and Jenn went back home and I only saw them 2 times :(  Heather and her family still had more time here from Texas so we planned to be together the whole last few days she was here until she left.  We went on Friday to the beach and had a great day with the kids and family it was a glorious day on the beach (not mentioning the millions of jellyfish but we still loved the day).  Went to my parents after, swam in the pool, ate great pizza then we headed home.  The drive home started as same as always but ended with me in the ER with an anaphylactic shock reaction. I had 4 such reactions that night from what? We dont know... It was truly a scary night for me and the first time in my life that I thought I was going to die. ( in the bathroom at wawa to be exact). I scared the heck out of my children and my poor husband and my family and to be honest scare myself beyond what I would like to admit.....I stayed in the hospital in a step down unit until Sunday afternoon. I have thought alot about my life since that weekend and what my priorities are. The following week I was so not feeling well and exhausted and out of breath with every step I take.  That was just a short time ago. 2 weekends ago to be exact..

This last Saturday my world was rocked again as I got news that my Cousins son was killed in a car accident along with 3 other teenagers and 4 more were injured in the hospital.  News like this sure has a way of shaking you to the core and again making you re-think what is important in your life and what things you need to still do and what you need to stop doing...My poor family as of today still hasnt been able to bury poor Casey to lay him to rest as hurricane Irene has seen to it that we cannot have his funeral tomorrow. My heart is broken for my family and for the family of the 3 other young boys who lost their lives in this tragic tragic accident.

This is a beautiful picture of sweet Casey with his amazing Aunt (my awesome Cousin) Alli!
Sweet Casey you will always be remembered and as I said before you have a whole HOST of Brenners with you in Heaven (please try and keep them in line.. I am sure Nickey boy is helping you!) The Brenner family is a strong family and I pray that all will continue to stay strong and hold onto the fact that you will see Casey again.

Monday with the help of my mother in law and sister in law we decided that since it was gorgeous and we needed some fresh air to clear our minds we would go to the Cape May zoo. It was a gorgeous day and we truly had a wonderful time......

  The kids at the Cape May zoo, it was a beautiful trip and we saw some amazing animals!


As we were walking back to our car I got a message that stated that the Pastor of our church's son was in a motorcycle accident and needed prayer as it was serious. (apparently the message was a few hours old as I didnt have service).  I immediately got another message saying that he didnt make it. I couldnt believe this to be true. We just saw him the day before and were joking around with him and his father and mother.  Ben is one of the sweetest and funnies young men I know.  It is true and our world has truly been rocked to the core. My whole family saw Ben often and we all love him so much. To my 5 year old Paige he was Mr. Ben, whom she was going to marry and he promised to wait for her.. to my Tommy he was truly Tommys hero. Tommy looked up to Ben so much and loved spending time playing around with him and talking football or just being goofy.  To my husband and myself and our son Aaron we have truly lost a good friend who was a JOY to be around.. Our hearts are broken.......

Mr. Ben the day we took this picture Paige buried her head in your side and just sighed and said "Oh Mr. Ben I could just stay here forever!"  Mr. Ben we know you are still going to hold true and wait for our Paige and we know we will see you again in Heaven...


Our hearts have been so heavy this week and my mind has been reeling since last Saturday. I have decided there are definite things I need to change about myself and my life and that they need to be done pronto. I have decided that I HATE that my own immediate family is spread all over the US and that I dont get to see my sisters or my brother enough. I hate that I live an hour from my parents ( an hour doesnt seem far until you have work and life get in the way). I have decided that the hour must get shorter and my parents must be seen more often. I ALWAYS hate when I cant see them.....

Through all of this I am so glad that I have my faith and I am hanging on to my sweet Jesus with all I have. I have never hit my knees so much as I have this week and it is sad that it took all of this for me to hit my knees and praise my Lord as much as I should.  God give us strength and help us to go on and help us to do what needs to be done. Pray for my Brenner Family and for my church family Victory Assembly of God.. I love all of you!


Now I head off to continue to batten down the hatches as this Hurricane is ready to barrel down on us. We have stocked up on food, flashlights, water, tied down everything we can. Have the backup generator ready.. We have done the best we can.. we have games, new coloring books, cards and fun crafts to make... and now we just sit and prepare to battle out this storm...

This is my song of the last week:
Casting Crowns:  I will Praise you in this storm!


I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth






5 comments:

Sue said...

Tracy I am so sorry for all the sorrows you are dealing with.....Hugs to you and your family.....be safe with Hurraine

Faye said...

So sorry you are having such a difficult time. It's never fun to lose a friend or loved one. You're in our prayers! At least the hurricane fizzled before it made here (South Jersey)... a blessing indeed!

Aus said...

Tracey - while they say that our Father never gives us more than we can handle - I'll say a prayer that He lightens up on y'all for a while! So sorry for your difficulties - and hope that Irene was gentle to you!

Hugs and prayers - aus and co.

IlliniAmy said...

Tracey, I will so keep you in my prayers. They say the Lord doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I've always liked the follow-up as well -- "sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much."

Hang in there; you are a strong & resilient person.

Debra said...

I am sorry that u went thru difficult times and hope u will be okay and better soon . it takes a while to heal urself thru by God . I enjoyed to look at all the pix of ur wonderful family..

Our little boy!

Our little boy!
Opening up my care package from my family!

Curious what he is thinking!

Curious what he is thinking!
Checking out my Family for the 1st time ever! (this pic is of my new Brothers and Sister!)

His first reaction after seeing us

His first reaction after seeing us
This is my Forever Family!

Some goodies from the care package

Some goodies from the care package
Some of my new books

This picture makes me cry every time I see it!

This picture makes me cry every time I see it!
My 1st picture of my mommy and daddy! They say I love to look at my pictures again and again!

Studying our faces....

Studying our faces....
Checking out my new family again!

Look at that face!

Look at that face!
Checking out my new books

Aaron's Graduation

Aaron's Graduation
We are so Proud!

Xin Hai's name in Chinese!

福新

Fu XinHai

Xin Hai

Xin Hai
Isnt he the cutest ever?

Aaron's Senior Prom

Aaron's Senior Prom
My handsome Son, Aaron

Aarons prom

Aarons prom
Paige, Aaron and Tommy

My Family

My Family
The Worrell Family

Our Precious one

Our Precious one
Xin Hai in 2008 - so precious! Love that smile!

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